The Onion on a New Feature Inside American Airlines Admirals Clubs

According to The Onion American Airlines is installing two way mirrors so that passengers can watch and enjoy the misery of passengers in the gate area.

“These wall-length two-way mirrors allow our premium customers to relish the discomfort of the masses as they wait at cramped, overcrowded gates for their flights,” said spokeswoman Alexa Sheehan, explaining that gawking at ordinary passengers sitting on the dirty airport carpet while resting their backs on their carry-ons would make the Admirals Club reclining leather chairs that much more satisfying.

In fact the new main New York JFK Admirals Club has a media room with a screen ready for broadcast, they just need to pipe in the live feed.

And the Austin Admirals Club actually has windows facing into the terminal. They’re two way! And they’re right above the food court and extend forward to gate 13 (which is why I was so disappointed when American gave up gate 13 in Austin, you could see when your flight was actually boarding before leaving the lounge).

The fictional airline spokesperson notes that this feature is in addition to the option to “indulge in our complimentary cocktails and gourmet food options” but that this new added perk would mean “watching stressed-out travelers who have only eaten french fries all day struggle to get comfortable in their neck pillows.”

I’m not sure this qualifies as gourmet food, but American’s clubs which offer made to order guacamole do have a real hit.

The Onion reports that some Admirals Club members complain that it’s only possible to see out towards the gate, and not into the club, because those huddled masses passengers “couldn’t see firsthand all the perks they were missing out on.”

Of course premium co-brand credit card holders can get up to 10 authorized user cards at no additional annual fee, and each authorized user card can bring in two guests… The truth is that some Admirals Clubs are as crowded as the gate!

(HT: Joe H.)

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